Kill The GFBs!

I was rudely awakened from my winter hibernation at 2am, by The Jerk himself. You would have thought that sleeping for 2 months would be grounds for being fired, but not with him. I suppose he has a soft spot for teenage redheads. Or he just wants to keep borrowing from my leather whip collection. (68 as of today!)

Anyway, turns out I still have a so-called job, and an assignment. After bringing in 2 grocery bags filled with Hostess goodies and a perfectly yummy male stripper named Dmitri, I get to work.

I am not a “Star Wars” fan. The only redeeming thing in the first (and then, some GFB will cry “They’re not the first! They’re 4-6!”) 3, was Harrison Ford. Goddamn that man never ceases to turn me on. I could stand those pieces of garbage, as long as he was there to keep me going.

But to the point at hand. It turns out that, as most of you know, the totally gorgeous, totally talented NSYNC had a cameo in “Episode 2: Attack of the Clones” (What a lame ass title!). No it wasn’t a hoax. They already filmed their awesome scene; a large battle scene between Jedis and Clones, where they appear as Jedis.

Shortly after this fabulous news came out, the GFBs mounted an assault on George Lucas. They sat in their mother’s basement wearing their “Star Wars” underoos, still wearing their “Happy 40th Birthday” hats, and screamed and cried and whined to George Lucas about this “travesty.” I actually spoke to one GFB who was in denial, and said if it was true he would go bomb George Lucas’ house. Please. Spare. Me.

So, tired of listening to all their bullshit, Lucas pulled the scenes. The GFBs screamed like girls (like NSYNC fans, actually) for their so-called victory. All the while, Lucas sits back smiling, knowing he is the one who has won.

How has he wonr Let’s see. His daughters got to meet NSYNC (Obviously, girls of taste). And he has given the GFBs a sense of victory, as if they are the ones who know what is best for “Star Wars.” And when he releases the DVD, with the NSYNC footage, all the rabid NSYNC fans will scramble to buy it. I know I will. JC as a Jedi. Mmm I’d like to hold HIS lightsaber!

And, (against my wishes of course) I will end up seeing Episode 2 in theatres. Either with my newest Fuck Toy, or The Jerk, if he hasn’t gotten himself a bitch of his own yet. But I will go to laugh at all the GFBs, dressed up as Darth Vader and Obi Wan Kenobi, and how pathetic their lives must be. To be so obsessed with some worthless little movies that you would wait 5 months in line to be the first to buy tickets. Or that you would have a fit about casting choices and certain characters.

If you’re going to be an anal bitch, at least whine and bitch about important things. Like Ewan’s hair. God, what a total waste of a complete hunk. He could be the Harrison Ford of this set of films, if only for that disgusting trailer park hair.

Well, Dmitri has finished his dance, so I must leave you. And if you have a problem with what I have to say, well, you know where you can shove it.