Scary Movie 2

With seven writers attached to this screenplay, you would seriously hope they could come up with something funny… and they did. From ripping off movies to TV shows and commercials, to just about everything else, you’d think they would eventually run out of material; nope. Okay, so I admit there were some parts I didn’t understand. Then there were also parts that simply weren’t funny at all. Either because they tried too hard for the joke, or the bit was just played out.

For example: Chris Elliott’s character proceeds to screw a turkey. Now, we all obviously know where that’s from. In another part, two characters race around in wheelchairs similar to the motorcycle scene from “MI:2.” Boring. On a happier note, rip offs which I thought were great were the Nike basketball commercial and the whole intro to the movie using “The Exorcist.” James Woods is just brilliant.

All in all, you want some laughs, you want to have a good time, you want to see most of the world made fun of, check out “Scary Movie 2.” Even being the poor white boy I am I still laughed throughout the whole thing.

Rating: A-
Share

A.I.

The beginning wasn’t so bad. In fact, it was probably the best part. Telling the story about AI robots and what they are about. AI robots don’t feel love. So David is created. The first AI child who can love. A family who is losing their son to some disease becomes the first test parents for David. As luck would have it, their real son’s disease magically goes away and he comes back home. David and the real son soon start a sibling rivalry. The mother then freaks out (for some unknown reason) cause she can’t handle the AI robot. She takes him out to the woods and leaves him. Nice.

The next two hours of the movie is David searching for the Blue Fairy from the fairy tale Pinocchio. He believes the story is real and that the Blue Fairy can make him into a real boy so his adoptive parents will love him. It’s fairly boring, with the exception for Jude Law’s character; an robot male gigolo. Although I didn’t like his character and thought it didn’t fit well with the rest of the movie, he gave a good performance.

Near the end David finds out the secret behind his creation in that he was simply a test robot for a new product. They are mass producing other David’s, as well as a female counterpart, for parents who are unable to have children of their own. David then freaks out and now is on an even stronger mission to find the Blue Fairy.

Something stupid ends up happening and we find out the entire thing was planned by aliens eons ago. Wait, did I miss something herer What the hell do aliens have to do with this movier Spielberg really pissed me off with this one. Having to dig up the aliens once more. That’s it. I’m done. Movies that have nothing to do with aliens that suddenly become movies that have to do with aliens piss me off.

Rating: D-
Share

The Princess and the Warrior

Sissi (Franka Potente) was developed well until a rather unusual situation regarding her “pleasuring” a patient at the mental ward made me somewhat noxious. This situation was even more revolting after certain facts became apparent later in the film. After that point she seemed to be a rather weak figure that I quickly lost interest in. She is continually drawn to Bodo (Benno Furmann) after he saves her life, even though he is abusive towards her after their initial encounter.

The initial lifesaving measure made by Bodo was rather coincidental. He is running from store employees who are giving chasing him, and suddenly he decides to hide under a truck in the middle of the road.This just happens to be the truck that Sissi was hit by and was underneath, why on earth would someone hide under a vehicle in the middle of the roadr Hiding under a potential moving vehicle is hardly a good idea. Even if he had noticed that it wasn’t going to be moving, why go under a vehicle that everyone is staring at if you are trying to elude your chasers.

“The Princess and the Warrior” reeked of coincidences, which were used over and over to tie up nearly every loose end. When used properly an occasional coincidence can add a great deal of intrigue and interest to the story, but when overused like they were in this movie it gets very old.

Perhaps if this movie had been directed by a slimy fuck like Rob Cohen, it could be seen as an accomplishment for the filmmaker. But Cohen didn’t direct it. Tom Tykwer did, and after his work in “Run Lola Run,” this is a disappointment. It was unable to hold my interest, and I found myself wishing for it to end sooner than later.

Rating: D
Share

The Fast and the Furious

I mean, how many times have we seen the old ‘undercover cop comes to like the guy he’s gotta bring in’ storyr Not only that, but “The Fast & The Furious” brings absolutely nothing new to that story. Except maybe flashier cars that go a hell of a lot faster than in the other films.

As for the acting, let’s just say there are no Oscar contenders here. But then, everybody knows that anyway! Vin Diesel does a great job of the tough but likeable bad guy role, while Michelle Rodriguez & Jordana Brewster both do decent jobs (despite having such flat characters) as Vin’s girlfriend and sister, respectively. On the other side of the coin, however, we have Paul Walker – a seeming graduate of the Keanu Reeve’s school of acting, or as I like to call it – sufficient lack of talent. I found his scenes to be almost painful to watch, particularly when Vin wasn’t there to save the day.

All in all “The Fast & The Furious” is what you make it. For some it will be an enjoyable action movie with fast cars, while for others it will be a mind-numbing exercise in stupidity. Just make sure you gauge it wisely. A great reference would be “Gone In 60 Seconds,” if you liked it, you should like “The Fast & The Furious,” if you don’t like it, well then definitely don’t lay you’re money down for this.

Prognosis: matinee or second run theater.

Rating: C-
Share

Sexy Beast

So far the Summer Movie Season of 2001 has been abysmal. I mean truly awful. Putrid. Abhorrent. Wretched. Instead of the multiplex, I go to the zoo because the monkey shit there makes my eyes sting less than the crap Hollywood dumps on us each weekend. No, I didn’t see “Pearl Harbor.” I didn’t see “Tomb Raider” or “Swordfish.” (Editor’s Note: Sadly, I did see Swordfish. Pray that Dominic Sena is never allowed to expose another frame of celluloid again.) I didn’t because I am of the opinion that when one pays nine bucks to an exhibitor (pronounced: extortionist) one should get something in return. Something more interesting than a brief silhouette of one of Angie’s tats, or two seconds of Halle’s tats, or three goddamn hours of Josh Hartnett’s tats. Jesus Christ, when I want soft core I’ll go to victoriasecret.com. And when I want an engaging emotional experience I usually end in front of the monkey cage at the zoo. But I prefer going to the movies because the popcorn is better.

So my interest was piqued when I heard those mouth-breathing pansies on National Public Radio exclaiming the virtues of “Sexy Beast.” Ray Winstone is great, they said. Ben Kingsley is a revelation. The movie has a solid script backed up by witty directorial touches. Finally a movie that aims for all three organs: the brain, heart and dick. While “Sexy Beast” doesn’t score the hat trick, it does go two for three which isn’t just laudable in this day and age–it’s fucking miraculous. Kingsley plays a guy named Don Logan who I swore was based on my mother. He’s short, mean and says “cunt” a lot. But then I saw Benny do something not even dear old mom could do. He sits completely still, but appears to be in motion. How the hell does he do thatr Sitting in a chair, just looking at somebody and you’d swear he’s going a 100mph. That’s how much energy Kingsley brings to the role. He’ll never be thought of as just Gandhi again and if he doesn’t get a Best Supporting Actor nomination well, that should be the final straw to shut up those fuckwits who still think the Oscars mean anything. Did I say Best Supporting Actorr Oh, yeah, that’s because this movie is Ray Winstone’s. He plays a big, fat retired gangster named Gal who’s enjoying his Spanish villa and ex-porn star wife. He spends most of his days sunning himself near his beloved pool and icing down his balls. Gal’s life is disrupted when Don comes to town to recruit Gal to assist him a safe deposit heist. Gal insists that he is retired, but Don won’t take “no” for an answer. After this movie, Winstone will never be thought of as bastard patriarch from “The War Zone.” He’s like a teddy bear: cuddly, shy and decent. There is more passion and love in the relationship between him and his wife than in a career of J Lo movies and Winstone accomplishes this with one single line reading.

Now, “Sexy Beast” is gong to get compared to the work of Guy Ritchie because it has a bunch of colorful and occasionally funny British-speaking criminals doing colorful occasionally funny British crimes under colorful occasionally funny camera work. There’s one big, big difference, though. Jonathan Glaser, the director of “Sexy Beast,” plays for keeps. His characters aren’t cartoons. They have unfulfilled dreams, emotional wants. They go on journeys and by film’s end are different human beings. The violence in the movie matters. It has consequences. When someone gets shot with a shotgun you see it and it hurts. For these reasons alone “Sexy Beast” is superior to “Snatch” or “LS&2SB.”

Not to say “Sexy Beast” is perfect, however. It only runs 90 minutes, but it’s a long 90 minutes. Mostly because there’s a lot of screen time devoted to the actors looking out just off camera. The clever comedy and stylistic fireworks are few and far between and the last third of the movie (the heist and its aftermath) doesn’t hold very much suspense nor make a lot of sense. In the end “Sexy Beast” engages the soul and mind, but lacks the bells and whistles to service the cock. Maybe tats do count for something. But that’s okay. It was well worth the $5 I handed over to the extortionists. Only one movie in the last six months has been a ten-spot and that’s “Memento.” And if you haven’t seen that yet then, seriously, what the fuck are you doing reading thisr

Rating: B+
Share

O

To do a plot recap, which you should all know anyway since it’s fucking Shakespeare, Odin (Mikhi Phifer) is the star basketball player for his high school team. When he is named MVP of the team by Coach Duke (Martin Sheen), he chooses Michael Cassio (Andrew Keegan) to share the award with him rather then Hugo (Josh Hartnett), which sends Hugo in to a rage against Odin and leads to his planning the downfall of Odin and his girlfriend Desi (Julia Stiles) and everyone else around them.

A large portion of what sets this movie apart from all the other Shakespeare adaptations that have been for teens lately is that it is not taking one of the Bard’s lightweight comedies, but one of this greatest tragedies in Othello and it treats the source material exactly as it should be. Of course, the reason this film was pushed back was because of the fact that teenagers are killed in the end, and mostly by gunfire. As I said with a person after the movie was over and we were discussing it, the only people who will be offended by these scenes are the same ones who will never truly understand what it is that causes these situations in real life. I can only hope that they will realize what this movie is partly attempting to say about the way teenagers can feel isolated and as if they have no way to turn anymore when they are left without any friends.

As for the technical elements of the film, Tim Blake Nelson has shown me with this film that not only is he a great actor, but he is also a tremendous director. There are moments in the film where it is just simple small quiet interludes that he inserts that make emotional statements in ways that no spoken word could ever come close to. His staging of the basketball scenes for the film are stunning in how well they keep the action moving while also allowing some beauty of the poetry of the motion of the players extremely obvious. Overall, the film is beautiful to look at and perfectly shot in every instance.

The writing of the film, by Brad Kaaya with his first script, is splendid with a few exceptions. For the most part, his characters and their motivations are very well scripted out, except with Hugo. In Shakespeare’s play, Iago refuses to discuss all that he does at the end of the play, which makes him all the more mysterious and perfectly written as a character. Hugo explains a little too much for my taste in the end why he did everything that he did, though he never does so to the rest of the characters in the film. I guess I just wanted the original ending a little too much, but I am happy with what Kaaya did with his own situation of writing a film that had to work for modern movie audiences.

The acting of the film was note perfect for all of the roles. Phifer did the slow erosion of a tragic hero exactly right in all of his scenes as the film progressed. Stiles handled the vulnerability and strength that Desi has to have at the same time just as any great Shakespearean actress would have. Martin Sheen was, well, Martin Sheen. He’s just a great actor. Josh Hartnett actually surprised me with how deceptively evil he was throughout the film, just as any great Iago would have to be. I refuse to see Pearl Harbor until video, but if he acts half as good in that film as he does in this one, then it will probably be a very solid performance. All of the other small supporting actors nail their parts just as they should based on the personalities that Shakespeare gave the characters and that Kaaya carried over to the film.

After the feature, there was a scheduled Q&A with Tim Blake Nelson about the film. Brad Kaaya was also in attendance at the premiere and Nelson invited him up to stage for the Q&A as well. The first question was what the entire story was about what had happened with Miramax and the releasing of the film, which I covered in the introduction to this review. I got the second question of the session, which was if either Kaaya or Nelson would be willing to make another movie for Miramax after all that they had been put through with this film (it should be noted that the Dimension logo was still in front of the print of the film which was screened at the premiere). Nelson and Kaaya hemmed and hawed a bit in response, with Nelson eventually telling me that if he knew me better, he’d quickly give me an answer to that question, but based on the situation we were in, he couldn’t really answer it. Kaaya said that he was working on another film for Miramax, so I don’t think he’s holding much of a grudge against the company. A few more questions came around mostly about the story and the process of writing the film, with a particularly interesting question being which scene was the hardest for Nelson to shoot. He said that he had thought the basketball scenes would be the hardest, but what he wound up doing was using a technique very similar to Terrence Malick’s from The Thin Red Line with the battle scenes in that movie to shoot the basketball scenes, which made them very easy to shoot. I got the final question of the evening, in which I asked him about how he selected the music for the film (which was all excellent and well selected). He stated that going in to the film, he knew nothing about rap music, so during post-production he listened to about a thousand rap songs, and then the soundtrack label came onboard and almost all of the songs he had picked went out the window. He also said that the score of the film, written by Jeff Danna, was done with all Elizabethan ear instruments, which gave it a very rustic feel which was very fitting for the film. Finally, to bridge the gap between the rap music and the original score, he used the “Ave Maria” from the 19th century opera Othello, which fit perfectly at the film’s climax.

After the Q&A, I went up and shook Nelson’s hand, and thanked him for making a great film. He is a great speaker, and the Q&A was very good as was the film. I’m glad that Lion’s Gate is finally allowing this film to be released and I hope that people give it a chance rather than just ripping it because it happens to have rap music and trys to tell a Shakespearean story. I highly recommend that people seek it out and give it that chance.

Rating: A
Share