Bully

After years of debating this issue with myself, I’m convinced that guys like Larry Clark and Harmony Korine (the writer of “Kids” and director of such elegant art as “Gummo”) aren’t out to make films, but emotional roadmaps. I can’t find a logistical thread of story through any of their work… it’s always about the characters, the moment, the mood, and the potentials. I’ll just have to accept this and move on with my life.

If I ignore the complete lack of script and point, “Kids” was an almost-great film with one fatal flaw: they were ghetto trash. Maybe it was realistic, I dunno, I don’t care. If rich kids can buy cocaine, so can poor kids, they can rob someone for it, okayr The worst drugs done in Kids were gangsta chronic and Special-K-deluxe or whatever the fuck Harmony Korine decided it was. Sorry, that killed the film for me, I can’t buy that the line stops there, not with this crowd.

What’s “Bully” aboutr In a nutshell, there’s this closeted asshole who rapes chicks and beats up the guys, particularly his best friend, whom he’s attracted to. He rapes chicks to gay porn and forces his buddy to dance on a stage at a local nightclub filled with trolls and shit like that. Whatever. The buddy’s girlfriend, she don’t play that, so she arranges this lazy, pot-inspired plot to whack the fucking bully. And they drag like 8 other teenagers into the ploy. And they whack the dude. And they feel the need to talk about it. I’m not spoiling shit, by the way, this is all a TRUE FUCKING STORY.

Is “Bully” shockingr If you’re a fucking Mormon, sure. There are plenty of crotch shots… I don’t mean like “Basic Instinct,” I mean, crotch shots that put every other crotch shot to shame… you’ll find yourself smiling in a strange way as Bijou Phillips climbs into the front seat of a car, based solely on the chosen camera angle. If you find yourself stunned by shots of chicks dripping hot candle wax onto a guy’s nipples while she straddles him… you need to get out more. I’ve seen a 14-year-old get done by a goddamn mule. I’ve seen footage of a crazy dude drop an 8 inch steel rod in his pisshole, and I don’t mean for an STD test. If hot candle wax shocks you, you are no longer allowed to visit this website. Fuck you.

Does “Bully” workr On some levels. The kids have money, but they’re still white trash. Clark has learned his lessons well. The moral of the story is sorta clear. The film is entertaining. Works for me.

Does “Bully” have flawsr Yeah, it’s completely stupid. Your jaw will drop at how fucking stupid these kids are. And believe me, it’s not only true, but it’s true to life. If you’ve ever been down in Tallahassee, you’ll know I’m right. There’s a scene where Brad Renfro gets to emulate Eminem. Need I elaborater

Does “Bully” have good sex scenes for being an unrated filmr No. Seeing a chick’s pubes and tits and panties and a guy’s pubes and ass are hardly what I’d call groundbreaking American cinema. Show me a vagina hooding up like a cobra and spitting at the camera and you’ll earn my respect, okayr

How are the performancesr Pretty decent. Renfro’s damn good, Nick Stahl is pretty convincing for a skinny little prick, and the chicks are just there to show their crotches. You see, chicks in this kinda film don’t have much to do… it’s guys who have all the major, violence-inspired emotional problems at this age. If you’re thinking I’m getting sexist, I am, against guys… let’s put it like this, chicks do not beat each other up because of a lesbian impulse. And if they did, and made a film outta it, I’m there.

Does “Bully” seem like a celebration of pedophiliar Uhhhh, the correct term is like ‘ebephophilia’ or something, I know I fucked up the spelling, okay, but pedophilia is ‘love of children’, whereas the latter word means ‘love of adolescents’. Sure it does. It’s a guy thing, and I commend Clark for not giving a shit. I don’t mind seeing pre-college titties, okayr And for you switch hitters and titty-blessed out there, you won’t mind a few smooth chests and whatnot. Who gives a fuckr If you don’t like seeing chicks gargle semen and smile at the camera, don’t see “In The Realm of the Senses.” If you’re uncomfortable with the concept of young people who don’t have all their body hair yet fuck and get nude and smoke mushrooms and viciously stab a motherfucker to death, don’t see “Bully.”

Do you recommend “Bullyr” Yeah. Go see it. I think it’s better than “Kids.” For an indie-drama, I sure laughed a lot during the film, moreso than most of the comedies I’ve seen in a while. Fuck it, go see it when it comes to a run-down indie shithole near you.

Peace.

Rating: B-
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Ocean’s 11

Hey you Filmjerk freakz, wassup. I saw Soderbergh’s “Ocean’s 11” the other night and lemme just say it fucking rocked. Rocked my ass, rocked the house, rocked everything in and out of sight. Clooney is too smooth, Pitt is deadly, and Julia (or The Mouth as my more-than-slightly effeminate editor so loves to call her) is, well, underused in my humble opinion. Now, let me state I am a bigger fan of Schizopolis and old Sods than this new “Erin Brockovich” director, but maybe he’s finally learned to fuse that ultrasmashfuckingcool energy of his into a more mainstream vibe. Must be, because I dug, I dug, I dug this film. So did the rest of the audience. You will dig it. Keep rockin you two and keep chipping away at that fat sellout….!!

Rating: A
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The Score

The basic plot is simple: Nick (Robert De Niro) is an aging thief who wants to get out of the business, but his longtime fence, Max (Marlon Brando), leans on him, convincing him to do one last job – steal a scepter worth $30 million dollars. The problemr Nick must work with Jack (Edward Norton), a young thief who’s “undercover” as a janitor in the building where the scepter is being stored. Complications ensue, and the characters clash. There’s not much in the way of surprises along the way – the thieves have to acquire computer codes, which turns into an elaborate exchange in a public place, and of course, there’s an obligatory and predictable double-cross at the end.

Where I think the movie succeeds is that it creates tension effectively without an excess of danger or violence. No one dies in the film. A couple of folks get beaten up, and a gun is fired 2 or 3 times (as warning shots). There’s an explosion to blow a safe open, and that’s about it for “action.” The tension comes from the presence of the actors, and that’s an impressive feat. De Niro does his now well-worn “aging tough guy” shtick, but no one really does it better, and his chemistry drives the whole film. Norton’s character, unfortunately, is little more than a variation on his (admittedly excellent) work in “Primal Fear.” As part of his “undercover” work, he pretends to be mentally handicapped, and he shifts back and forth between that and his “true” personality effortlessly.

Although De Niro and Norton are strong performers, they dominate the movie to such a degree that other actors don’t make much of an impression. Brando has little more to do than sit there and nod as De Niro delivers his several “but the kid’s a loose cannon!” type speeches, although he gets some nice digs in. Truly wasted is Angela Bassett, as De Niro’s girlfriend, who wants him to get out of the “business.” She shows up in about 4 scenes in the entire film, and I kept waiting for something to happen with her, but nothing does. In fact, none of the supporting performers (except one actor who plays a computer hacker) make any permanent impression whatsoever.

Finally, I want to briefly address the thing that scared me most going in. The film is directed by Frank Oz, whose filmography consists mostly of very good, but very light comedies. As dark as he’s gotten is “Dark Crystal” and “Little Shop of Horrors.” He pulls the film off with admirable aplomb, especially considering how dark the film is (lots of it takes places in sewers, basements, and dark hallways.) I hope this is his first step toward branching out as a filmmaker.

To sum up: “The Score” is a decent flick – not a spectacular one, but it’s nonetheless worth seeing, and it’s certainly a pleasant respite from a movie season that’s (at least thus far) been far more about big movies with flashy explosions and cool special effects than it has been about smaller films with strong performances from great actors.

Rating: B
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Scary Movie 2

With seven writers attached to this screenplay, you would seriously hope they could come up with something funny… and they did. From ripping off movies to TV shows and commercials, to just about everything else, you’d think they would eventually run out of material; nope. Okay, so I admit there were some parts I didn’t understand. Then there were also parts that simply weren’t funny at all. Either because they tried too hard for the joke, or the bit was just played out.

For example: Chris Elliott’s character proceeds to screw a turkey. Now, we all obviously know where that’s from. In another part, two characters race around in wheelchairs similar to the motorcycle scene from “MI:2.” Boring. On a happier note, rip offs which I thought were great were the Nike basketball commercial and the whole intro to the movie using “The Exorcist.” James Woods is just brilliant.

All in all, you want some laughs, you want to have a good time, you want to see most of the world made fun of, check out “Scary Movie 2.” Even being the poor white boy I am I still laughed throughout the whole thing.

Rating: A-
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A.I.

The beginning wasn’t so bad. In fact, it was probably the best part. Telling the story about AI robots and what they are about. AI robots don’t feel love. So David is created. The first AI child who can love. A family who is losing their son to some disease becomes the first test parents for David. As luck would have it, their real son’s disease magically goes away and he comes back home. David and the real son soon start a sibling rivalry. The mother then freaks out (for some unknown reason) cause she can’t handle the AI robot. She takes him out to the woods and leaves him. Nice.

The next two hours of the movie is David searching for the Blue Fairy from the fairy tale Pinocchio. He believes the story is real and that the Blue Fairy can make him into a real boy so his adoptive parents will love him. It’s fairly boring, with the exception for Jude Law’s character; an robot male gigolo. Although I didn’t like his character and thought it didn’t fit well with the rest of the movie, he gave a good performance.

Near the end David finds out the secret behind his creation in that he was simply a test robot for a new product. They are mass producing other David’s, as well as a female counterpart, for parents who are unable to have children of their own. David then freaks out and now is on an even stronger mission to find the Blue Fairy.

Something stupid ends up happening and we find out the entire thing was planned by aliens eons ago. Wait, did I miss something herer What the hell do aliens have to do with this movier Spielberg really pissed me off with this one. Having to dig up the aliens once more. That’s it. I’m done. Movies that have nothing to do with aliens that suddenly become movies that have to do with aliens piss me off.

Rating: D-
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The Princess and the Warrior

Sissi (Franka Potente) was developed well until a rather unusual situation regarding her “pleasuring” a patient at the mental ward made me somewhat noxious. This situation was even more revolting after certain facts became apparent later in the film. After that point she seemed to be a rather weak figure that I quickly lost interest in. She is continually drawn to Bodo (Benno Furmann) after he saves her life, even though he is abusive towards her after their initial encounter.

The initial lifesaving measure made by Bodo was rather coincidental. He is running from store employees who are giving chasing him, and suddenly he decides to hide under a truck in the middle of the road.This just happens to be the truck that Sissi was hit by and was underneath, why on earth would someone hide under a vehicle in the middle of the roadr Hiding under a potential moving vehicle is hardly a good idea. Even if he had noticed that it wasn’t going to be moving, why go under a vehicle that everyone is staring at if you are trying to elude your chasers.

“The Princess and the Warrior” reeked of coincidences, which were used over and over to tie up nearly every loose end. When used properly an occasional coincidence can add a great deal of intrigue and interest to the story, but when overused like they were in this movie it gets very old.

Perhaps if this movie had been directed by a slimy fuck like Rob Cohen, it could be seen as an accomplishment for the filmmaker. But Cohen didn’t direct it. Tom Tykwer did, and after his work in “Run Lola Run,” this is a disappointment. It was unable to hold my interest, and I found myself wishing for it to end sooner than later.

Rating: D
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