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RSS Feed - ReviewsBlonde Ambition
By EdwardHavens
December 27th, 2007
Just how bad is the latest Jessica Simpson film? It doesn't just belong on a Worst of 2007 list or even a Worst of the Decade list, but high amongst The Worst Movies Ever Made.
Early in the film, there is a line spoken by Rachael Leigh Cook to Jessica Simpson, which ironically speaks volumes about Ms. Simpson and her career. “Maybe it’s time you start thinking about yourself.” If Ms. Simpson were thinking for herself, one would hope she would never choose a project as openly dreadful as this one. (You’d think somewhat talented actors like Luke Wilson and Penelope Ann Miller would know better than to get involved in a comedy with not a single laugh, while a talentless whore like Andy Dick, on the other hand, would clearly be pleased getting any job.) It seems the person doing the “thinking” here is Joe Simpson, Jessica’s Svengali-like father/manager, one of no less than 15 producers and executive producers on the film, and the only one to get an individual title card during the opening credits. It’s clear he sees his daughter as a cash cow, and hoped this project, allegedly inspired by Mike Nichols’ “Working Girl,” would bring his daughter screen success. Here’s a news flash for you, Mr. Simpson: “Working Girl” was a great film because they had undeniably talented people at all the major levels. Scott Marshall is no Mike Nichols (nor is he in the same league with his father, the incredibly funny Garry Marshall). Jessica Simpson is no Melanie Griffith, even at her worst. Luke Wilson, as good as he can be, is no Harrison Ford. You nickel and dime a project, you’re going to end up with something like “Blonde Ambition.” If Ms. Simpson still wants to have an acting career, the two things she needs to do is take some acting lessons and stop letting Daddy choose her scripts for her. Having big boobs alone is no longer enough to keep someone a star for any amount of time. What one would call the story goes something like this: a nice small town girl from Oklahoma goes to New York City to be with her model fiance, only to find him in bed with another woman when she arrives. She gets a job as the executive assistant to a powerful developer, in part due to the duplicitous machinations of the company’s Vice President. The evil VP and her evil assistant do their best to get the girl to screw up, only to find her achieving success despite (or, often, because of) their actions. Something bad happens, she discovers the insidious plan that used her as a pawn, and with the help of her boss’s son (who also happens to be her love interest), exacts her revenge and saves the day. With made-for-television production values, tepid thespian aspirations from everyone involved, a script that poorly cribs every cliché from every half-successful rom/com made in the past twenty years and a soundtrack straight out of 1995, “Blonde Ambition” will surely become a staple at Satan’s Multiplex alongside “Catwoman,” “Chelsea Walls,” “From Justin to Kelly” and “Manos: The Hands of Fate.” If there is one thing that can be taken from “Blonde Ambition,” it’s that the camera loves co-star Drew Fuller, who also charmed his way through the little-seen “The Ultimate Gift” with Abigail Breslin and James Garner earlier in the year. Otherwise, this is a mess that can be avoided at all cost. I’ve wasted my time writing this critique and you’ve wasted yours reading it. Don’t less curiosity kill even a minute of what’s left of your life on this worthless waste of time and money.
My rating: F