Fire Bad. Tree Pretty.

(Editor’s note: Since moving to Brooklyn, I’ve been spending a lot of time with Lolita. And let me tell you something… this bitch IS obsessed with Buffy The Vampire Slayer. She’s got the books, the action figures, the comics {not only the Buffy comics but also Whedon’s new comic series, Fray} and she goes to the Suncoast in the Manhattan Mall every Tuesday to see if the first season DVD set is available for preorder yet. And whatever you do, do not tell her that Xander needs to die this season. Just trust me on this.)

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The Facer Strikes Back

Having somewhat notoriously defaced the pilot script for ENTERPRISE, and incurring the wrath of fanboy geeks whose emotional insecurities are eclipsed only by their willingness to be led like veal into the meat grinder of hack television, perhaps an interest in my immediate reaction to the actual aired TV show is due. Then again, perhaps not, so those of you who care little may resume masturbating, ogling your older sister, or whatever else it is you do late at night beneath the covers with a flashlight and a tube of acne cream.

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A FilmJerk Exclusive: The Annotated Enterprise Pilot Script

Oh boy have we got a treat for you, today.

We have, down below, a link to the Enterprise pilot script. But it’s not as simple as that… if you’re crafty, you can find it online elsewhere. This particular version of it… has had some, er, minor comments attached to it. It appears that the author of said comments, a gentleman who calls himself The Facer, hated hated hated hated HATED this script. So he went MST3K on its ass, and it’s now an instant classic. This is why you really can’t pay script doctors too much.

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