News from May 6, 2001

Breaking News Concerning The New WGA Contract

More details concerning the WGA/AMPTP agreement are leaking out. One of the more encouraging parts of the contract is the ritualistic crucifixion of one member from each guild, as chosen by the members of the other guild. Reports have the writers leaning towards Jon Peters or Jerry Bruckhemier, while the producers have unequivocally chosen Akiva Goldsman.

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What Would Happen if Kevin Smith Became Quentin Tarantino’s Bitch?

I present to you a somewhat fat, slightly balding chain smoking effeminate yet sickeningly breast obsessed film geek named Serendipity Marsupial Tarantino – Buddy for short. Buddy hangs out in the mall all day, drinking five dollar double tall Frappacinos and obsessing over whether Elvis could kick the living shit out of Superman while reading his new shipment of obscure 1950s French comic books.

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News from May 2, 2001

Senate, NBC Make Major Trade

Shockwaves rumbled from the Beltway to Hollywood when the Washington Senators make two historical deals with the National Broadcasting Company, sending George W. Bush and most of his staff to Los Angeles in exchange for the cast of The West Wing. Later, Vice President Dick Cheney was returned to Washington in a separate three way trade between the Senators, NBC and Comedy Central was completed:

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News from April 29, 2001

Joltin Joe Lieberman vs. Jack “Boom Boom” Valenti

The Senator, still pissed off he isn’t the Vice Prez, has unveiled his Senate Bill which would allow the FTC to bring civil charges against media firms that don’t abide by voluntary industry codes prohibiting the marketing of adult materials to children. Should the bill pass a house vote, fines for companies that violate the FTC’s regulations could climb as high as $11,000 per offending incident.

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