"Postal" probably not coming to a theatre near you

You know what I love most about getting press releasees? When something as simple as addition seems to be an impossibility. Dr. Uwe Boll personally sent this message along to FilmJerk.com, and let’s see if you can spot the faulty math…

For Immediate Release

“POSTAL” CANCELLED BY U.S. THEATER EXHIBITORS

Uwe Boll’s Latest Is The Film Audiences Won’t See At A Theater Near You

VANCOUVER (May 15, 2008) – U.S. theatrical distributors appear to be boycotting the controversial comedy, “Postal,” directed by Uwe Boll. The film was scheduled to be released theatrically nationwide, but will now open on only four screens in four cities next Friday, May 23rd.

“Theatrical distributors are boycotting ‘Postal’ because of its political content,” said Boll. “We were prepared to open on 1500 screens all across America on May 23rd. Any multiplex in the U.S. should have space for us, but they’re afraid.”

Continues Boll, “We have even tried to buy a few screens in New York and Los Angeles, and they won’t let us even rent the theaters! I urge independent exhibitors to contact us and book ‘Postal’! Audiences have been expecting the film and I don’t think exhibitors should censor what gets played in U.S. theaters.”

Event Film will release the film in New York, Los Angeles, Chicago, Tucson and Denver.

About “Postal”

A religious charlatan (Dave Foley), his mild mannered nephew (Zack Ward) and a gang of bosomy commandos face off against Osama bin Laden and the Taliban in an epic battle that will determine the fate of the world in POSTAL, the latest film from controversial director Uwe Boll (“BloodRayne”).

Boll roasts an entire herd of sacred cows and smashes taboos to smithereens in this over-the-top and hilariously subversive critique of modern day America. Inspired by the notorious videogame of the same name, POSTAL is a jaw-droppingly original spoof of contemporary culture and an equal opportunity offender, lampooning religious extremists, minorities, bureaucrats, immigrants, cops, women, the Holocaust, gun nuts and more with evenhanded abandon.

The outrageous political and social satire stars Zack Ward (“Transformers”), Dave Foley (“News Radio”), J.K. Simmons (the “Spiderman” trilogy), Jackie Tohn (“On the Lot”), Larry Thomas, the Soup Nazi from (“Seinfeld”), Erick Avari (“Mr. Deeds”) and Verne Troyer (“Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me”). The film is produced by Boll, Dan Clarke and Shawn Williamson.

Event Film will release POSTAL on May 23, 2008. The film is rated R by the MPAA. Running time is 100 minutes.

I know it’s fanboy sport to beat up on the egotastic Boll, but I dare anyone to honestly say “BloodRayne” or “In the Name of the King” is worse than either of Ethan Hawke’s “Chelsea Walls,” which I personally witnessed more than 450 people walk out of a free screening for out of work actors. At least “BloodRayne” had some semi-hot Kristanna Loken nakedness.

I could actually be on my way to a press screening of “Postal” right now, but I’m going to a screening of Jacques Tati’s “Playtime” in 70mm at the American Cinematheque in a few minutes. Now there’s a film, and a filmmaker, that deserves your attention.

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