Fire Bad. Tree Pretty.

(Editor’s note: Since moving to Brooklyn, I’ve been spending a lot of time with Lolita. And let me tell you something… this bitch IS obsessed with Buffy The Vampire Slayer. She’s got the books, the action figures, the comics {not only the Buffy comics but also Whedon’s new comic series, Fray} and she goes to the Suncoast in the Manhattan Mall every Tuesday to see if the first season DVD set is available for preorder yet. And whatever you do, do not tell her that Xander needs to die this season. Just trust me on this.)

Besides being rather obsessive over Vin Diesel, your little Long Island Lolita is also a rabid Buffyholic. And this, my friends, is Buffy’s year.

We start off this season, with no 2001 Emmy nominations. For the first time since the show premiered as a mid-season replacement in 1997, it’s been nominated every year, for at least one minor award. In 1997, it was Outstanding Makeup for a Series for the series premiere, “Welcome to the Hellmouth.” In 1998, a nomination for Outstanding Hairstyling for a Series for “Becoming 1 & 2” was followed by the only Emmy wins the show has received, for Outstanding Makeup for a Series for “Surprise/Innocence” and Outstanding Music Composition for a Series (Dramatic Underscore) for “Becoming 1.” 1999 brought two more nominations for Outstanding Makeup for a Series for “The Zeppo” and Outstanding Sound Editing for a Series for “Lover’s Walk.” And 2000 brought the most important nomination to date, Outstanding Writing for a Drama Series for Joss Whedon’s “Hush” as well as Outstanding Cinematography for a Single-Camera Series for “Hush” and Outstanding Hairstyling for a Series for “Beer Bad.” All of this is just fine and fucking dandy, except for the fact that they’ve been screwed out of all the major awards, which they totally fucking deserve.

So like I said, this is Buffy’s year. She came back to life in the 6th season premiere, to a new network, with a higher budget, and got triple the ratings it ever got on the WB. Not only are they going to finally going to get some decent awards and recognition, but the evolution of all the characters is going to go farther than before.

Spike has come a long way since his stint as British badass vampire lover of Drusilla and tormentor of Buffy. He has been transformed by a little chip in his head that prevents him from harming humans into a trusted friend and ally for Buffy and her friends, not to mention being totally crazy in love with the resurrected Slayer. This season he will continue to fight by Buffy, and be her only confidant, and eventually, her new lover.

Willow, who was once a sweet, helpful member of the gang, and best friend to Buffy and Xander, has turned into a snotty bitch witch lesbian since season 4. And she only got worse. Her ego bigger than the Hellmouth now, she has delved head first into hardcore dark magic, using it to fight Glory last season, and to bring Buffy back to life this season. I’m greatly anticipating her turn into this season’s “Big Bad” so that Buffy can kill her and we won’t have to deal with her shit anymore.

Xander will finally settle down with his love, Anya. This is going to be the big event this season. Girl-crazy Xander has finally got a special lady to keep him in line, and make him a man. Dawn will get through school; maybe become a more active participant in the gang. Tara, well, who really gives a flying fuck about Tara. She’s just Willow’s bitch. And Buffy. Buffy will keep learning about herself and her powers as the Slayer.

I have one suggestion, to make this the best season to remember. Somehow, someway, get Vin Diesel to play a badass demon or vampire, and play up a sort of love triangle, or menage a trois with him, Buffy, and Spike. Fucking James Marsters and Vin Diesel, its genius! It’s inspired! It keeps me up at night! One is tall dark and handsome, built and rough. The other is wiry, platinum blonde, and has the sexiest accent since Sean Connery. Okay, this article is done. I need to go get off. To reiterate: awards, dead Willow, and Vin and James. What a fucking year. I love UPN.

Until next week, kiddos.