Bubbliciously Incorrect

If you’ve been paying attention to the news lately, there is a group of people who are pissed off at King Rat over Bubble Boy, their new comedy which will bomb anyway when it comes out Friday. The 15,000 members Immune Deficiency Foundation is calling for a boycott of the film, saying it mocks the disease that half a million people (mostly children) are afflicted with. One fifth grader from suburban Boston, Scott McGuire, is worried the movie will create the wrong impression of his disease. He doesn’t want the kids at school to start making fun of him. Thanks to modern science, those with immune deficiencies no longer have to live in plastic bubbles, but when you’re part of a group that has an agenda, you’ll whore yourself out, no matter how ridiculous you look to get your message out.

Well, fuck… If I’m not allowed to laugh at a boy who has to live in a big plastic bubble because he’s got some genetic defect… well, who can I laugh atr Would these people prefer it if the film took place in Berlin circa 1945, and it were Herman Goerring in the bubble being bounced all over by Allied tanksr Or is that somehow being insensitive to Nazisr

Recently, one of the local channels in Denver started running “Hogan’s Heroes” after the 9PM news, and it made me wonder how badly the new Politically Correct Jews would screech if some dickhead junior level network exec went to the head of programming and said “A Nazi concentration camp sitcom! Think of the comedic possibilities!”. Or how incensed they’d become if The Day The Clown Cried ever saw the light of a projector because Jerry Lewis is leading children of Israel into the ovens. I’d love to see a bunch of rabbis and Yiddish filmmakers march in protest over Clown, especially if it delays some of them from releasing yet another Holocaust documentary.

Given that Bubble Boy is Disney, there are going to be some important questions left unanswered… What does a bubble boy do when he’s got a bonerr Does a bubble boy just shoot off his load, letting the creamy white milky substance hit the walls of the bubble and slide down to the bottomr What is a bubble boy to do when he has to float a stink bombr How does a bubble boy wash his scrotumr Or wipe his ass when he takes a shitr

I’m not going to see Bubble Boy because these are the types of things that interest me but not Michael Eisner. Maybe someday, Gregg Araki will be able to do a low budget remake, where we get to learn all these wonderful things before Rose McGowan cuts open the bubble with a kitchen knife, slicing the bubble boy’s cock off and shoving it down his throat, suffocating him before any airborne pollutant can do any damage.