American Pie Sequel Got the Marketing Blues

Check this out. Behold the poster the geniuses at Universal have chosen to represent the sequel to the surprise teen comedy hit…

WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS? Is the marketing team at The Big Globe so certain of a slam dunk that they feel they can just wing it?

“This summer, it’s all about sticking together”

That’s got to be one of the worst fucking double entendres I have ever read on a movie poster. Hell, if you’re going to do shit, do it right. Put Biggs on the poster, all by himself, really guilty look on his face, holding some kind a pie (maybe a Boston Creme pie, or a rhubarb) with the tagline “Oops! I did it again.” Maybe even have Eugene Levy standing behind him, yelling angry shit at the poor schlub, like on the cover of a late 80s teen movie on video.

Or maybe a little truth in advertising. “Caution: This movie will not contain any nude scenes from Shannon Elizabeth. Now that she has established her name in the mass consciousness, she wants to be taken more serious as an actress. She’s only making this for the money, so she can afford to work on those low budget indie films. Hell, they’re all just going it for the money, to be honest. Now, you won’t see Mena Suvari getting naked either. Frankly, we were just as disgusted as you were when she got semi-naked in American Beauty, but maybe that had something to do with the fact that Kevin Spacey was also in the shot. Since Suvari is married and Elizabeth is engaged, their respective other halves don’t want them doing nude scenes and to keep their blessed unions together, they’ve decided against it. So then we thought of getting Natasha Lyonne naked. Yeah, we barfed too after we saw that image in our heads too. We finally decided you would get to see Alyson Hannigan stick that flute up her pussy – then we saw her pussy and realized you could stick that flute, a flautist, the entire London fucking Symphony and Zubin Mehta up there. So, now, you will just see Jason Biggs fucking another pie, getting the aforementioned flute stuck up his ass and receive oral gratification from a badger. Thank you for wasting your time reading this description. See you at theatres August 10th, when you fork over your hard earned money working the swing shift at McDonalds to see this crap.”

And putting Jim’s dad on the poster? What I want to know is… where the fuck is Stifler’s mom?

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