Sick And Tired Of Going To The Movies And Having Annoying Assholes

Don’t complain to the manager. He or she doesn’t give a rat’s ass either. You want results? This is how you get results!

First off, find out where the corporate office is of the company who runs the theatre. Almost every theatre company has their own web site. Then, write a very strongly worded letter about your miserable experience. Don’t curse and be an asshole. Be as specific as possible. Let’s say I went to see Tomb Raider today and had the very experience described above at the United Artists Theatre in the Twin Peaks Mall in Longmont, Colorado. This is how my letter would go…

Hello. My name is Edward Havens, and I would like to let you know about an experience I had recently at your theatre in Longmont, Colorado. I went to the 4:50 PM show of Tomb Raider on Wednesday June 27, 2001. While the presentation itself was good, I am writing to you to voice my displeasure with the staff. As I entered the lobby area where my ticket was taken, I found three ushers sitting on a bench next to the usher’s stand, talking about things teenagers talk about. I stood there a good fifteen seconds before one of them acknowledged my existence and directed me to my theatre, directly in front of me. To my left, down the hall which leads to the exits to the parking lot, two more ushers had one of the exit doors open and were smoking in full view of patrons. I entered the theatre and took my customary seat, back row, last seat on the right in the center section. As the film started, I would estimate 12 to 15 people in the audience.

About fifteen minutes into the film itself, a young child started crying and making a lot of noise. Someone got up a few minutes after this started and returned a minute later, not long enough to use the restroom or get some Sweetarts but long enough to mention this situation to someone working at the theatre. All through the movie, this kid would not keep quiet, nor would the parents remove the child. Several others left for a brief moment, yet at no time did an usher ever enter the theatre to ask the parents to be respectful of the other patrons.

As your theatre is the only movie complex in a 20 mile radius, it is the one I frequent the most. This is not the first time I have encountered this situation. In previous times, I have complained myself to ushers and management, and every time I never once saw any actions taken.

It is not the job of your patrons to inform the staff of problems such as these. Considering at this latest screening there were at least five ushers on duty, shouldn’t one of them be doing regular theatre checks to make sure the picture and sound are optimal, and check to see if there are any unruly customersr

Since complaining at the local level has not done any good in the past, I am taking this to the corporate level. I would like to know what your company is going to do about the blatant disrespect your employees show to customers such as myself by not making sure the majority of people are enjoying their experience.

I look forward to hearing from you soon.


Edward Havens

But before you finish the letter, you need to add one thing at the bottom. Using my example above, it would read “CC: Denver area Better Business Bureau”. That lets these fuckers know you are serious about this shit and you demand satisfaction.

Print out three copies. One goes to the theatre’s corporate office, one goes to your local Better Business Bureau and one stays with you.

Now, don’t dilly dally and wait several days to do this. Take a few moments to write out a letter that day or the next, while it is still fresh in your mind. Or just copy the one above and make the necessary changes to fit your situation.

And for God’s sake, don’t be an asshole trolling for passes. Only do this if you have a legitimate gripe that wasn’t handled to your satisfaction at the theatre. These people have enough bullshit to deal with from fucks like you as it is.