Edison Chen is yummy, and I don’t need any "Hairspray"

Another week, another round of Regurgitations. Will it ever end? No. It will <b>never</b> end, as long as the masses allow themselves to be suckered in by lame gimmicks like a devil movie opening on 6/6/6.

The shot-by-shot remake (the screenplay credits the original writer of the first film, and no other writers) of “The Omen” opened yesterday, and did pretty well for a Tuesday. Best Tuesday opening ever, which isn’t saying much. I can’t think of any other films that were opened on a Tuesday. Can you?

The Weinstein Company announced over the weekend that Rob Zombie will be writing, directing, and supervising the music to a new “Halloween” film. The choice of Zombie is a pretty decent one. He’s got two horror flicks under his belt, the last one, “The Devil’s Rejects,” was well-liked by audiences and quite a few critics as well. Not to mention it made over $16 million on a $7 million budget. It’s possible Zombie could inject some life into the dull and repetitious franchise (just how many times can they kill Michael Myers and have him inexplicably return?), with a return to the beginning, showing the origin of Myers, and also being a bit of a remake.

And the next movie to become a Broadway show to become a movie again a la “The Producers” is “Hairspray.” They’ve got John Travolta, Queen Latifah, and Amanda Bynes lined up. I think its swell they want to make a musical, but can’t they give us something new? Something that hasn’t already been made into a film? I was watching “On the Town” this weekend with Ed, and I got depressed again when it was over. They don’t make anything like this anymore. They haven’t for years. Blame it on cost, or the changing desires of the audiences, or lack of material, whatever. Bullshit. The Disney Channel put out a musical, “High School Musical,” and it’s been everywhere. The soundtrack was #1 on the charts, and the movie itself gets great ratings and reviews. People DO like musicals, and will see them. Get off your ass, studios, and give us what we want. Give us something we haven’t seen before. Until then, I’ll skip these movies you throw into release to make a quick buck, and watch my DVDs of “Seven Brides for Seven Brothers,” and “The Sound of Music.”

And coming up on June 16th, we’re being punished. We’ve been bad little moviegoers. Universal and Fox are spanking us with “The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift” and “Garfield’s A Tale of Two Kitties.” With “Tokyo,” Universal is hoping people like shiny cars racing a whole heck of a lot. I say screw them. You want a good racing movie set in Japan? Go to your local Blockbuster, if you live near a cool Blockbuster that carries foreign films, and rent “Initial D.” Now that’s a motherfucking racing movie! And Edison Chen… yummy.

And if you really have a hankering to see “Garfield 2,” go to your favorite restaurant, order yourself a lasagna, and smile, knowing you’re not watching that cheesy piece of CG cat vomit.

Share