We all know that there are *four* Law and Orders, and I’ve got news about all of them. Also Alias, 24, DW, and personal favorite Veronica Mars. Happy holidays couch potatoes! Here’s this week’s scoop!
Part of this season of 24 will take place in a sporting goods store owned by middle-eastern brothers. This season will have an Arabic terrorist cell planning attacks on the U.S.
The still untitled John Stamos sitcom finds its twelfth episode revolving around the filming of a “Henry Porter” movie. You all get that that’s a take off of Harry Potter, right? Of course you do.
There’s a new character, Jillian, coming to Everwood, who will date Bright. This will obviously piss Hannah off to no end.
On Kevin Hill, a corpulent man sues a health club because they won’t let him exercise in the front room by the windows.
We hear Vic is getting a new boss for Season 4 of The Shield. Her name is Monica Rawling, and they’ll start off investigating an entire family killed by gang members at a hotel.
Stargate: Atlantis gets a new character. Ronon Dex has been running from the Wraith for years. He’s legendary among his people, but cannot return to them as he could draw the Wraith to his homeland.
On NYPD Blue an 80 year old rich dude is murdered and his 20 year old bride is brought in for questioning. She didn’t do it though, that would be too easy!
Episode 413 of Alias has the German mob and a man being tortured in a Russian lab.
The 15th episode of CSI: NY has a bride to be killed by her wedding dress (poison glue on the invitations would have been funnier) and a dead body found in the Staten Island Monastery.
Casting Couch favorite Veronica Mars (you are all watching this right, right??) has Veronica defending her favorite teacher who is accused of getting a student pregnant.
There’s a new nosy neighbor on Desperate Housewives, Mrs. McClosky, replacing the recently murdered nosy neighbor Mrs. Huber.
Touchstone is producing a new show about a suburban cop. The ‘burbs aren’t as quiet as you would think, as the first case is a bunch of serial killings.
A mentally retarded boy was murdered in 1983, and it’s up to the Cold Case squad to prove once and for all it was not an accident.
A Navy supply ship is taken over by pirates on an upcoming episode of JAG entitled “Straights of Malacca.”
Stephen Bochco’s new show Over There is about soldiers in Iraq. They’re a mixed bunch, including an Arab-American. We will also see the people they left behind, including wives who start cheating, and husbands at home taking care of the kids.
Buffy’s Marty Noxon is producing Fox’s Point Pleasant. The commercials look great for this, but you never know. Anyway, episode 4 flashes back to the 1930’s, where the cash prize offered at a dance marathon brings out the worst in Point Pleasant residents.
FOX is working on a high-concept comedy/reality series about an East Indian family traveling across the U.S. looking for the perfect place to settle down. Written by one of Da Ali G Show’s head writers, the family will be improv actors interacting with real people who think, well, that it’s real.
They boys are going to Sundance on Entourage. I can’t wait to see Turtle on skis.
On Without a Trace “Neither Rain nor Shine,” a young girl is killed by her brother when she refuses to give him money to pay his gambling debts.
Reality show Eight Men In is advertising the biggest reality show payoff of all time. What didn’t work with boxers hopefully will work better with baseball players. Major League baby!
On Enterprise episode 7, Captain Archer is given a passel of Orion slave girls as a present. The lovely green ladies will indeed have a dance number or two.
A midget gets eaten by a snake on CSI: Miami, supporting my theory that between the three CSIs, they have indeed run out of crimes. Meanwhile, on CSI, a man is interested in strange sex on an episode called “Un Bearable.” This can’t mean plushies again, can it???
Episode 37 of N.C.I.S. is called “Trading Places.” In is a young computer programmer claims to have witnessed a murder of a Navy officer, but there is no other evidence. No one believes her except McGee.
Painkiller Jane is filming its pilot for Sci Fi Channel. Marine Corps Lieutenant Jane is exposed to toxins that make her impervious to pain and quick to heal. A member of the team running tests on Jane is really an undercover terrorist who tried to kidnap her.
And, finally, the Law and Order roundup! On “Family Values,” a Dr. Phil-like host is killed and his wife is arrested based on the testimony of her lesbian lover. Criminal Intent brings us “Death Roe,” about a chef who sexually abuses his daughter, and kills her husband so that he can continue to do so. Trial by Jury has the case of a man killing a child molester who has been released from prison and is living next door in “Vigilante” and SVU also has a child rape case. That’s all of the L&O’s right?
Here’s hoping you all have a wonderful holiday and all get 60 inch HDTV’s as presents!