Pa, Please Don’t Remake "Little House on the Prairie"

Casting calls and news items in the TV community come in each day here to Amy Lawrence catches the minutiae that falls through the cracks, and discusses them more in depth than most of them probably deserve.  Today I bring you news on the “Little House” mini-series, “The Sopranos,” “Seventh Heaven,” and “Vegas,” baby, “Vegas!”

10-8: A classroom is held hostage by a kid’s grandpa and a couple hides their heroin in their baby’s diaper in episode 13, “Flirting With Disaster.”

All My Children: Danielle Frye is a 16-year-old girl who loves to break the rules– even though her parents are in law-enforcement.

Arrested Development: George gets a groupie at the prison! I really wish I liked this show.

As the World Turns: Luke Sebastian returns to take his rightful place in the Oakdale family, at least for the next three years.

Century City: A doctor who can determine everything about an unborn child is using science to rebuild a rapidly diminishing gay population. Parents of a gay boy sue in “Sweet Child of Mine.” I’m very intrigued by this show, which as any regular reader knows is the kiss of death.

Charmed: In “Prince Charming,” a gorgeous guy keeps Piper living asleep in her dreams of frolicking with him on the beach.

Come to Papa: Tom Papa is working on this pilot for NBC. He’s a newspaperman with a happy home life and a favorite mailman. Yawn.

ER: In “Get Carter,” a new doctor steals one of Corday’s patients just to get her attention.

Hack: Washington gets a new partner. She’s a striking Asian and a no-nonsense investigator. Meanwhile, a robber accidentally shoots himself while trying to rob Olshansky and sues O. for damages in “Calibrated Arguments.”

The Handler: Ripped from the headlines of yesteryear– a pretty congressional intern is missing and a Congressman is a suspect in “Acts of Congress.”

Hope and Faith: Charley’s brother Andrew is getting married to Swedish royalty and she brings the Swedish volleyball team with her to her wedding.

Hotel Franklin: This pilot centers around a New York comedian who goes to Los Angeles to find fame and fortune. Living at the Hotel Franklin, his life of course intertwines with the hotel staff’s.

JAG: Diamonds are “A Girl’s Best Friend” but not fake ones! A researcher creating fake diamonds for the Navy (huh?) is selling them on the black market.

Las Vegas: A man comes to Vegas to kill himself, but is saved by Danny and Ed. Ed gives him 200 bucks to gamble and the dude turns it into the hottest hot streak in history. Eight million dollars later, he’s no longer depressed in “Things That Go Jump in the Night.”

Law and Order: Criminal Intent: In “Mad Hops,” a high school coach is dating the mom of one of his players. He inflates the kid’s stats so that the kid can get a scholarship and starts killing everyone who finds out about it.

Little House on the Prairie: Thanks for f***ing with my childhood memories, ABC. This “mini with series option” is described as “an edgier spin on the Little House you remember.” The cast stays the same, Ma, Pa, Laura, Mary and Mr. Edwards, and the miniseries will follow the family’s journey by wagon to their homestead and their first Christmas on the prairie, where the Grizzly Addams-esque Mr. Edwards plays Santa, also apparently in an edgy fashion.

Malcolm in the Middle: In “Experiment,” we flash forward 100 years and the boys are still alive! Stevie, too! In “Ida’s Husband,” Ida is drugging a man so that he’ll marry her.

A Minute with Stan Hooper: In “Snow Job,” Stan must judge the Snow Queen contest while Norm McDonald cashes his paycheck and wonders where his youth went.

NYPD Blue: A Jewish jeweler is shot to death and the suspects include a recent convert to Islam and a rapper dealing in stolen gems.

Seventh Heaven: The fifteenth episode is called “Healing Old Wounds” and, in it, Vic tries to join the Marines.

She Spies: In “Stranded,” the girls get a new intern. Chloe is gorgeous and smart and has an uncle at the Pentagon.

The Sopranos: Episode 513 has AJ going to a party and possibly getting in trouble with his football coach. Someone goes to the hospital and someone goes to the police station.

Tru Calling: A desperate dad robs a convenience store to pay his daughter’s medical bills and ends up on Tru’s slab in “The Longest Day.”