Casting calls and news items in the TV community come in each day here to FilmJerk.com. Amy Lawrence catches the minutiae that falls through the cracks, and discusses them more in depth than most of them probably deserve. We’ve got a few new pilots today, and a lot of favorites like “Sex and the City,” “The Shield,” both editions of “CSI,” “Everwood” and “Friends.”
Alias: In the upcoming episode “Remnants,” Syd goes to Austria. Sorry, that’s all I got.
Bold and the Beautiful: Phoebe and Steffy Forrester are 13-year-old twins. Too bad the Olsen twins are too old.
Century City: The second episode will be called “Love and Games.” The lawyers of the future must decide if a baseball player with a mechanical eye has an unfair advantage. They also must handle a divorce where the wife claims the husband is violating their pre-nup which states they will have no children because his grandparents live with them and are just like kids.
Charlie Jade: Charlie is a private dick, smooth, cool, rich, and from another dimension. He learns of a smuggling ring that is raiding our universe, but while he’s on the case he gets stuck here, in the technologically backwards world of 2004. This pilot is filming in South Africa and optimistically wants it’s cast to commit to three seasons.
Class Actions: Yay! It’s our first “Everwood” rip-off! It’s on Lifetime, so it’s all chicks. Justine is a high-powered attorney who moves her two daughters to Washington State. So far, no one’s in a coma.
Cold Case: Arnold is “The Boy in the Box,” found in 1958 and unidentified until now. The case turns ugly when it is uncovered that medical experiments were run on orphans, and by nuns!
CSI: Grissom is “Fishing in Vegas” when he tries to pin a murder on an unshakable doctor. A couple is killed and the girl’s other boyfriend, the doc, is the prime suspect as the murder weapon was a scalpel.
CSI: Miami: “Horatio’s Witness” is mentally disabled, but he did see the murder of a diamond merchant. Also, a victim’s body is stolen by the driver of the body transport van, as the driver is paid off by a suspect.
Everwood: Dr. Brown treats a bulimic, but it’s a boy who’s trying to stay in his weight class for wrestling.
Friends: Is this a hint for something in Joey’s future? There will be a French casting agent on an upcoming episode. “Ca va” just doesn’t have the ring of “How you doin’?” We also get to meet Mike’s two gorgeous sisters.
Hack: One of Olshansky’s regular customers is not just a businessman. He’s a mob boss who gets Mike Jr. kidnapped in “Gone.”
The Handler: In “Bleak House,” a nanny is murdered, and the household has so many suspects it’s ridiculous. The widowed father, the crazy son, the horny neighbor, the sinister gardener– I think it was Mr. Mustard.
Hope and Faith: In the Christmas episode, Faith brings the kids to tears by micro-managing the school play, and Hank beats up a little person.
Joan of Arcadia: Rocky dies in episode 111, “Jump.” Also, Joan’s dad loses his job as chief of police, as the town consolidates, and he is offered the job as deputy sheriff. Also, Kevin gets injured playing wheelchair basketball.
L.A. Dragnet: Ah, this was cancelled last week, but the day before the production got the axe, details on an episode leaked to us. In it, a drug addict owes a biker gang big money and can’t pay up, so the gang wires him with explosives and makes him rob a bank in “Deliverance.” Sounds familiar, right? But we’re never going to see it.
Las Vegas: Still not watching this show? For shame. Episode 11 is “The Night the Lights Went Out in Vegas” and Danny and Mary get stuck in an elevator together during the power outage.
Law and Order: A lawyer uses her defendant as her soapbox, defending his guilt by saying that the homeless are shunned from society and outside of their laws. Her client, a homeless man, is accused of killing for food, but he’s really innocent in “Darwinian.” See, the victim was hit by a car, an Aston Martin, and homeless dudes, part of society or not, can’t afford those.
Law and Order: Special Victims Unit: A father whose son was killed in a hazing incident takes the fraternity’s side in “Brotherhood. He’s wrong in this episode ripped from the headlines.
Lyon’s Den: A black man is stunned when is light-skinned son becomes a white supremacist, and a divorced man sues to get his ex-wife’s frozen eggs in “Duty to Serve.” Not sure if this one will ever get filmed, as the show has been put on hiatus. Just like “Boomtown” and a cadre of others that were later cancelled.
The Office: Anyone who has seen BBC’s “The Office” knows that an exact American re-telling is doomed to failure. Hopefully, this series will take the best of “The Office” and the best of “Office Space” to create something that best represents the horrors of the American workplace. For more info on this one, check out our article here. No hint of Finchy as of yet…
One on One: Breanna is upset that her mom is getting re-married, but the ghost of Christmas future shows her what her live would be like Breanna’s mom and dad had stayed together in “It’s a Miserable Life.” In the next episode, “East Coast Meets West Coast,” Flex meets a new girl, but her father doesn’t like him because he’s not Korean.
Rescue Me: The show needs a sexy redhead to do partial nudity in a scene with Denis Leary. I say, I’m right here.
Sex and the City: In episode 6.17 “The Cold War”, Samantha overhears tragic gossip about Smith and Charlotte enters her new baby in a dog show.
She Spies: DD teams up with a James Bond type to retrieve the stolen Camelot Diamond in “London Calling.”
The Shield: Episode 307 is called “Safe.” A mother whose daughter is missing is convinced that a song performed by a local artist is about her daughter’s murder. Vic investigates and finds a mass grave, but the girl is not in it. She really ran away willingly with her boyfriend.
Triple Play: Mom’s a cop, Dad owns a donut shop, their only son is an Alex P. Keaton clone, and their lives turn over when they adopt 10 year old triplets.
Two and a Half Men: This show has the best titles. One of them is “Sarah Like Puny Alan.”
Untitled Hotel Project: This is ABC’s answer to the NBC’s “Las Vegas” (see above). Set in an upscale hotel in the Bahamas, it follows the lives of the staff and their interactions with the guests.
West Wing: In “The Stormy Present,” something major takes place, as they are seeking both Arabic and Japanese speakers to play news anchors. In the yet-to-be-titled episode 11, we see lots of polling and testing, including a test of the president’s speech using a test president saying the speech with different inflections. Ha! Like anyone can tell Bartlett how to inflect a speech.
Wonderfalls: In “Totem Pole,” Jaye tracks down the grandson of a Shaman, and has to convince him of his inherited shaman powers so that he can finish his grandfather’s predictions of her future.