Casting calls and news items in the TV community come in each day here to FilmJerk.com. Amy Lawrence catches the minutiae that falls through the cracks, and discusses them more in depth than most of them probably deserve. Today’s call includes info on “Everwood,” “Seventh Heaven,” all three of the “Law and Order” editions and a helluva lot more.
10-8: A porn star’s murder brings Layne’s ex-husband on to the scene. He’s a cop with another division and gets in everyone’s face. Some of the victims co-workers are high school students who shoot porn in their spare time, hence the episode title “Late for School.”
All My Children: Krystal is tough talking trailer trash and a new character for the show.
Charmed: Larry makes a deal with the devil (by accident) and Paige has to help him get his soul back in “Soul Survivor.”
CSI: Miami: In “Grand Prix,” a race car driver dies and the team discovers his engine was tampered with. Was is a rival driver? (And hasn’t this already been done on its sister show?)
Deadwood: In episode seven of this HBO western, two children come to town looking for their father. They have no money and get put to work at the bar and the whorehouse (cleaning!). But, they are not who they seem to be…
The District: It’s “A House Divided” when a Civil War re-enactment turns into a murder. A black re-enactor avenges his enslaved relative by killing the ancestor of the slave owner.
The Division: In “Bite Me,” a woman buys an abused dog who has been in dog fights, all in order to kill her abusive husband.
Ed: Ed goes to see a therapist, but she’s really a pet therapist. He keeps seeing her, though. Carol works with a young hottie at the magazine, and Ed’s jealous. Warning: Episode 74 has a rapping granny.
ER: In “Freefall,” a millionaire is brought in after an accident, but he’s too good for county general, so he calls his helicopter in to get airlifted to a private hospital. The copter crashes and causes chaos in the E.R.
Eve: Shelley (Eve) goes on a date with a guy who want to go dutch. She has no money with her in “Check Tease.”
Everwood: A coal miner and her husband are having trouble conceiving and the doc must find out why. Could be stress, could be coal dust. Also, Ephraim gets his first car from a psychic car dealer. You heard me.
Half and Half: Mona gets hit on by one of her female singers and Dee Dee dates a foot fetishist in “The Big Foot In My Mouth.”
The Handler: They guys must investigate one of their own in “Jar of Spiders.” Agent Andy Torres is involved with the criminal Vargas, who is being investigated for killing a local politician.
JAG: Episode 189 is called “Close Quarters.” A Korean sub wrecks and the crew is rescued by our boys. This turns out to be problematic when one of the Korean officers turns out the have SARS. Every single show this season, with the exception of “The Mullets,” will have a SARS episode. There was even a SARS joke on “Queer Eye” for heaven’s sake.
Joan of Arcadia: In “Fire and the Wood,” God is now a Mime. They are going to run out of nutty things for God to be really soon.
Karen Sisco: “Dear Derwood” is about a charming country boy who keeps getting into trouble and breaking out of jail. Luckily Karen tracks him down, in between dates with new love interest Tuck, a ball player.
L.A. Dragnet: A chatroom hostess is murdered in “Frame of Mind.” She banned the wrong troll.
Las Vegas: Shelly is a con artist whose schtick even fools Danny. Danny also has to deal with two high rolling pals who must have the same table, stools and croupier every time they gamble. In addition, a Filipino man gets to live his dream and do a duet with Wayne Newton. He’s so good, he gets a job as an impersonator in “Pros and Cons.”
Law & Order: In “Floater,” a woman ends up dead in the river. She worked for the courts, and had discovered a court assignment scam that was making a host of judges and divorce lawyers a ton of money. In “I.D.,” an older man has his identity stolen and loses his house to the imposter. He kills the man who did it and this leads to a competency trial.
Law & Order: Criminal Intent: Lance Brody hates Jews because his mother told him to hate them. He goes nuts and starts killing them in “A Murderer Among Us.” I’d tell you the big twist, but it’s just too obvious.
Law & Order: Special Victims Unit: Craig Fuller’s wife is an alcoholic, and pregnant. They split up, and the battle over the unborn child is ugly and violent in “Choice.”
Line of Fire: Dominic Stubbins’ son Kevin is arrested for stealing cars, and Dom goes a little nuts, punching out one of Kevin’s friends. “Family Affair” has sort of a troubled teen theme, as 16-year-old Drew holds a school counselor and one of her child patients hostage.
The Mayor: Jake doesn’t like his sister’s boyfriend, so he trumps up a charge and gets him jailed so he can’t take the sister to prom. Much more convenient than chaining her up in the basement.
Monk: In “Mr. Monk and the Paperboy,” there’s this paperboy…and he gets killed, and Monk solves the case. If you really care, it’s all because of a lottery scam.
The Mullets The stereotypical rock stars are out in full force in “Air Guitar.”
Nip/Tuck: The fresh hell brought to us in episode 12 is a man who wants his dog to have plastic surgery.
N.Y.P.D. Blue: McDowell finds out she’s pregnant, and an innocent man is accused of rape, in “Andy Appleseed.”
The Parkers: An upcoming episode is called “The Mack is Like Wo.” And centers around a dating show called “The Mack Show” and a smoothie drink made be Kim called “Like Wo”. This plot was created solely to support the title.
Seventh Heaven: The school principal knows something is going on at the Lindeman house, but Mr. Lindeman may get her fired before his family secrets get revealed in “Go Ask Alice.”
Shield: In “Bottom Bitch”, we get new characters in the form of the Decoy Squad: Waylon, Trish and Annie. These are the folks that dress up as hos and bust johns. Vic gets involved with them when a prostitute helps him bust her old pimp, just to help her new pimp wipe out the competition. In “Streaks and Tips,” Kevin may or may not have poisoned his brother, Chana is a murder witness who uses her press exposure to further her career, and a reporter is given unlimited access to the squad to write a “day in the life of” piece and he learns a little too much.
Sopranos: Someone’s going to the Plaza and I think it’s Meadow who is meeting her boyfriend Finn’s mother for the first time.
Strong Medicine: In “Ear, Ho’s and Threat” (hee!), a Pakistani diplomat’s daughter gets surgery on her ear and asks the doc to help her defect, a bride to be asks to have her virginity surgically restored because she lied to her fiance, and a woman fakes suicide to get her husband’s attention.
Tru Calling: A soldier dies without ever knowing why his girl sent him a “Dear John” letter, but Tru helps him find “Closure.”
Two and a Half Men Cindy is a surfer girl who sometimes uses the guy’s shower. (Seriously, this is what our scooper says! She stops by to shower.) Anyway, she ends up teaching Judith to surf.
Whoopi: The Prez comes to visit in episode 107, entitled “Bush.” Is Timothy Bottoms availabler