"Alias," "CSI" and " Enterprise." Oh, Lucky Couch!

Casting calls and news items in the TV community come in each day here to FilmJerk.com. Amy Lawrence catches the minutiae that falls through the cracks, and discusses them more in depth than most of them probably deserve. Today’s call includes a new alien for “Enterprise,” a new plot for the American “Coupling” and lots more shiny new-ness.

Alias: We go from Russia to Spain in episode 304 “A Missing Link.”

Arrested Development: Brian Grazer and Ron Howard’s series is offering some stunt casting opportunities. Lindsay and Tobias (Portia DeRossi and David Cross) need a marriage counselor who wacks out during a role playing session. Also, Lindsay went to high school with a casting director, who ends up giving her giving her a part that Tobias auditions for. Look for some big names having fun with these roles.

Boomtown: A body is found inside a wall of an Alpha Pi Psi fraternity house. This frat is notorious for it’s brutal hazing rituals, but was it a murder or suicide?

The Brotherhood of Poland, New Hampshire: In episode 6, a little girl goes missing and it’s up to Randy Quaid to find her.

Charmed: “Love’s A Witch,” that we know, and it takes the Power of Three to repair an age old family feud that led to a Romeo and Juliet style death. Olivia, the young woman who died, has come to earth as a ghost to continue the feud until the girls stop her.

Cold Case: James confessed to the murder of his grandmother 14 years ago, but he’s really innocent. The episode, and the real guilty party, is called “Sherry Darling.”

Coupling: The first episode that is not a remake of a British episode is called “Present Tense” and has Steve freaking out trying to find a Yom Kippur gift for Susan. Blah.

CSI: “Nobody Likes It Hot,” especially infants left in cars by their parents. Tragic and relevant, the CSI team must deal with the parents.

CSI Miami: A double shooting at a nightclub is the first case worked on new fingerprint tech Ben McFadden. Ben is young and hot and can’t believe that Caleigh won’t go out with him.

Dragnet In “Daddy’s Girl,” 15-year-old Nina is murdered, but was it by her boyfriend, a biker, a man she babysat for, or someone else? Nina’s father takes the law into his own hands, but this case is more complicated than anyone could imagine.

Enterprise: Episode 59 introduces us to the Xindi Sloth, a race covered in fur who may or may not be an enemy.

ER: Is it “The Greater Good” to donate organs? To keep a very premature baby alive on machines? To medicate a kid with behavior problems? It’s up to the ER docs to help their patients decide.

Eve: Nick dumps his girlfriend because she wants to have sex all the time and not talk. Amy is struck once again that TV is fiction.

Hack: In “Out of the Ashes,” Olshansky saves a woman from a gang rape, but she snaps after the attack and goes on a vigilante killing spree, keeping in contact with Olshansky as she kills her assailants.

Hope and Faith: Faith dates Hope’s old high school boyfriend in “Hope and Faith Get Randy.” Yeah, that’s his name.

Joan of Arcadia: In upcoming episodes, God is a housewife who tells Joan to have a garage sale, and a vending machine attendant who reminds her that God told her to have a garage sale. Reviews of this show are good, but I don’t believe them based on what I’m seeing.

Judging Amy: New Dr. Todd is replacing Dr. Lily. He’s young, and smart and butts heads with Dr. Kyle. And, in episode 5.05, “The Wrong Man,” a priest gets run down in the street by a man who thinks it was the priest that molested him 10 years ago.

Karen Sisco: A trailer park mom covers for her two idiot sons in the episode derivative of “The Mullets.”

King of Queens: Kevin James’ weigh loss is driving the plot line in “Doug Less.” Carrie is annoyed at all the female attention the newly slim Doug is getting. That Carrie, always annoyed at something!

The L Word: Candace is a carpenter and Jennifer Beals needs fixin’.

Law and Order: Criminal Intent: Poor Jerome is seduced by Tamara, who is just using him and his special talents to commit crimes in “Stray.”

Law and Order: Special Victims Unit: A new mother and her infant are murdered and the “Law and Order” team (well, this one anyway) has to decide if she was killed for changing her mind and keeping her baby instead of giving to the surrogate couple who paid her for it or if there’s more going on in “Serendipity.”

Lyon’s Den: A serial killer on death row has information that could free one of Jack’s clients and Jack must get to him before the executioner does in “Trick or Treat.”

The Mayor: The previous mayor’s daughter has the hots for new (teenage) mayor Jake.

Miss Match; Think of every date you’ve ever had, the get-back-together-with-your-ex date; the safe date with a gay guy; the date who is interested in someone else; the big party in high school; the meeting your ex arranges just to see you– all of them. Now, put them together in one show and have Alicia Silverstone fix all the problems. In one episode. That would be episode entitled “In Loco Parentis.” A season’s worth of plotlines wasted.

The Mullets: In “Quizzardry,” the boys hire the One Man Party Machine (a dude in a crappy robot suit that dispenses tequila) to entertain at a party. I cannot stop laughing.

Oliver Beene: Ted’s Aunt Sylvia has been sending him money for piano lessons for years, which he has gambled away. His secret is revealed when he is asked to play the piano at her funeral. Look for this, and a character called “One Nut,” in episode 5.03. In “Idol Chatter,” Oliver’s dad tells all his friends that a famous comedian is coming over for dinner, but he’s not and it’s up to Oliver to save the day.

Phil of the Future: In episode 1.05 we finally meet Curtis! He’s a neanderthal who stowed away in Phil’s family’s time machine and communicates with a special hat!

Scrubs: Elliot’s new intern has a secret talent. But I’ll tell y’all, he’s a human beatbox!

Seventh Heaven: Roxanne helps a troubled youth, and the Camden’s want to welcome the new Muslin family to the neighborhood, but the new family doesn’t want to mingle.

Tarzan: Darcy meets a man over the internet and drops everything to be with him. Jane does some research and finds out that the guy is an abusive murderer. Cue Tarzan to save the day.

That 70’s Show: Fez and New Laurie must prove their marriage is real so that Fez can get his green card. Hard to do when she’s flirting with the INS agents.

Two and a Half Men: In “Last Thing You Want is to Wind Up With a Hump,” Alan winds up with all Charlie’s leftover women. This would have been funnier if Charlie got Alan’s leftovers. Wait, no it wouldn’t ever be funny. The next episode is called “Did You Check With The Captain of the Flying Monkeys” and has Evelyn’s older boyfriend shocked that Charlie once dated his daughter. See, they can title the show, but they can’t plot the show.

Without A Trace: The M.O. of a famous serial killer is being copied and the team must research the killings before missing Doris ends up a victim in “Copycat.”

Will and Grace: Dennis Finster is Minnie Driver’s character’s dad, and ends up dating Karen.