Amy’s Casting Couch for January 16, 2003

Casting calls and news items in the film and TV community come in each day here to FJ. Amy Lawrence catches the minutiae that falls through the cracks, and discusses them more in depth than most of them probably deserve.

On the Boob Tube…

Adam Resnick’s still untitled pilot: Moving forward with this pilot, they are looking for a lead. Jake, 19, is the youngest elected mayor in the country. A 19 year old mayor who still lives at home with his parents? At least it’s original. Adam Sandler is an executive producer.

The Agency: Stiles discovers a son he never knew he had (don’t you hate it when that happens?) on Episode 216 titled Absolute Bastard. He must go on a mission to West Africa and he is reunited with Shani, a women he left behind.

Boomtoom: Mykelti Williamson goes home in Episode 116, Fearless. His character was molested as a child, and he returns 20 years later to wreck vengeance on the coach who took advantage of him.

Boston Public: Let’s put on a show! The high school is performing “Grease!” In Episode 3B15. They are looking for singers and dancers so expect to see parts of the show.

Break: FOX is going “Everwood” with a pilot about a big city Detroit cop who loses his wife and uproots his rebellious son to Oahu. Will the son’s new crush have a boyfriend in a coma? Will there ever be a new idea on TV ever? From the dudes who produced and directed “Blue Crush.”

Buffy The Vampire Slayer: Three African males, 55 to 80 years old needed. Must speak fluent Swahili. These very old African men wearing cowls created the first slayer with their dark magiks. Buffy travels through a portal back in time to find the origins of the very first slayer and confronts these men in Episode 15. Do we need the first slayer to kill the first vampire? Signs point to yes!

CBS is still working on their untitled pilot about suburban parents in Boston trying to raise three kids without too much help from nosy family members. Too bad the title “Everybody Loves Raymond” is taken.

Crossing Jordan: The first episode of Det. Hoyt’s spin-off concerns Hoyt going back to his hometown of L.A. to uncover the truth behind the murder of his mentor.

CSI Miami: Horatio gets an adversary in the form of a tough street cop with a short fuse. Horatio also becomes fascinated with a teen prostitute in episode 116. Note to men of the world, hookers are rarely fascinating.

The District: Episode 315, Back in the Saddle, concerns threats to a county music singer by her bodyguard. Um, shouldn’t she just fire his ass? The singer, Hallie, also has an assistant so obsessed with her, she’s getting plastic surgery to look like Hallie. This woman needs to be running background checks on all her hired help.

The Division: Episode 54 is called Radioactive Spiders, which got my attention. Unfortunately, there seem to be no spiders in this one. It’s about a murdered child support bounty hunter, and the parents that owe back support.

Dragnet: In Episode 9, John Loman is a repressed everyman who finally loses it. “Death of a Salesman” anyone?

Enterprise: In the episode titled Judgment, Star Trek plot number 5, the alien trial, is brought out of mothballs. Blah, blah, blah, Archer finds himself in a Klingon court after helping an Arin’sen refugee named Asahf try to escape from the Klingon penal colony, blah, blah, blah, his assigned lawyer Kolos is a different kind of Klingon, kinder and gentler, blah, blah, blah, the prosecutor for the trial, Orak, is intelligent, contentious and dramatic, blah, blah, blah, some lame lesson will be learned by all. Jim Conway directs this episode, which shoots from January 17 to 28.

ER: In an Episode called Shifts Happen (clever… not!), there are some kids on crystal meth, a misdiagnosed dead guy looking for the bathroom, a mom who accidentally runs over her own son, a woman with Alzheimer’s who only speaks French, a pregnant woman who passes out in a lingerie store, and (the only good thing) Patrick Fugit!!! He plays a sick kid who won’t admit to being sick.

Hack: Olshansky gets a love interest in Episode 16 called Black Eye. Faith Stewart, a high school classmate who is taking care of her schizophrenic sister re-enters his life… perhaps by entering his cab??

Harry’s Girl: CBS’s new pilot is about Nicole (Jennifer Esposito), a single woman and an “endearing mess” who thinks she’s twentysomething. But when she finds out she’s really thirtysomething(!), panic ensues. Ugh. It would be funnier if she found out she was younger and went all “Girls Gone Wild” than finding out she’s older has to become more responsible. But nobody asked me.

Law and Order SVU: In an Episode Called Desperate, a six year old boy is the only witness to the rape and beating death of his step mom, but his father. In typical TV form, he becomes mute.

Lenny and Adam: Comedy Central is casting for a new pilot starring Adam Ferrara and Lenny Clarke. Lenny and Adam are working on a script, and dealing with Adam’s wacky Italian family and Adam’s girlfriend’s wacky Jewish family. In the pilot, Lenny’s ass catches fire. Wacky! Denis Leary is an executive producer.

Less Than Perfect: In an effort to upgrade his image, Will attends Claude’s dinner party with a full camera crew. Hilarity ensues.

Midvale: Anst Filmworks is working on a pilot for cable that takes place in a mental health facility for men. Is it just me, or does every show in a mental institution fail?

Nip/Tuck: My most reviled pilot about a plastic surgeon is seeking an Albino. The Albino is a thug who tortures people with botox. *Sigh*.

NYPD Blue: The only thing I have to say about Episode 15 is that this week’s dead body belongs to a transvestite named, get this, Lana Love. Lana Love!!!!! Her pimp ID’s the killer.

Oliver Beene: Horrors! The Beene Family dad throws like a girl! The shame of it. And, a hobo moves into their tree house! Oh, the glories of the simple life.

Sabrina the Teenage Witch: Sabrina does a spell gone wrong that causes everyone to sing and dance. Joss Whedon sues.

Scrubs: Episode 217 has an upcoming dream sequence too disturbing to mention. But I will! J.D. imagines Eminem breastfeeding from his mom.

The Shield: Episode 209 is called Co-Pilot. New character Tom Gannon is brought in to add credibility to the new Farmington Station. He’s a cop close to retirement, not so great a cop, but a real nice fellow. Also, a South African kidnapping ring comes to America.

Six Feet Under: Full Frontal Nudity required for Episode 309. Casting calls him “Hot Gay Guy.” Woo Hoo!

Still Life: FOX is casting this pilot about Max Morgan, who took his brothers ashes to Paris, and then returns a year later to his family. He has a sister who’s a mystic, another sister who’s a stripper, and passionate, youthful parents. Everyone in this family is described as “beautiful and soulful.” Max is described as a “beautiful concert of darkness and light.” I am described as bored, but beautiful.

That 70s Show: Episode 519, Bring It On Home, goes after school special with Fez’s girlfriend’s parents objecting to her dating her “third world friend.”

Touched By An Angel: Though its future remains in limbo, the upcoming episode Virtual Reality takes on the video game industry. When two joy-riding kids pull a hit and run, do we blame Grand Theft Auto? Ask the Angels.

Trash: Columbia Tristar is still casting for their trailer park comedy for WB. Gee, I hope none of their viewers who live in trailers are offended by the title.

Twilight Zone: Episode 32 is called Cold Fusion. It’s about people going insane on an isolated Arctic base. You know, when X-Files ripped off the Thing it was cool. But ripping off X-Files ripping off the Thing not so much.

Will and Grace: Karen falls for the janitor because he’s one of those TV janitors who is sexy and reads poetry. Why don’t these guys ever work at my officer I just get fat geezers with plumber’s butt.

On the silver screen…

Mary Lambert, who helped make Madonna famous two decades ago with her videos for “Borderline” and “Like a Virgin,” aims to make Aaron Carter a movie star, in Camp Summer Stage. Aaron stars as Tim, a camp employee and also a bit of an
outsider due to his low income townie status. It’s all about friends, good times, pranks, raging hormones and coming of age at Camp Summer Stage, or so I’m told.

David Carradine joins the cast of Dead and Breakfast, which I wrote about last week, as the mysterious Mr. Wise. Perhaps it’s because his niece Ever Carradine is the female lead. Which is cool, because now we’ll be able to go from Jason Mewes to Sonny Chiba in three movies.

Writer/director Michael Clancy has lined up an impressive cast for his film Eulogy, including Hank Azaria, Ray Romano, Rip Torn and Debra Winger. A dysfunctional family comes together for a weekend when his Grandpa (Torn) dies. The five week shoot in Los Angeles begins February 21.

A “major” film company is casting a documentary with the working title Fanatics, about the fans who make music and musicians what they are today. Naturally, they’re looking for hard core female music fans, 18-30 years old, who live, breathe and die for the music and musicians they love. The producers are comparing it to “Almost Famous,” claiming it will be “a realistic portrayal of what goes on behind the scenes.” To answer the age-old rock question… Yes, I do remember laughter.

Will Smith’s “partner” in I, Robot will be Sonny, the newest in a series of robots in the year 2050. Gentle yet strong, determined yet obedient, trim yet muscular but not beefy. Ethereal, thoughtful, soft-spoken and kind. Although a cyber-being of the future, he is VERY human. His movements are fluid, yet it’s apparent he’s not human. Naturally, Sonny will be 100% CG. The twenty two week shoot, under the guidance of Alex Proyas, begins in Vancouver in April.

The paths of a young writer and an aging lowlife cross during a hit ordered by a vengeful drug lord in the streets of New York City. Rapper DMX stars for director Ernest Dickerson in this project based on the novel by Donald Goines.

Five teenagers pile into a ’74 Caddy and head for the parties of New Orleans, in Ralph Portillo’s One Of Them. After a freak accident in the Bayou, they awaken in a strange Academy for troubled youths. Cut off from the outside, the youths are thrown into a secret world where terror lurks behind every corner. If they’re to survive, they’ll have to find out whom they can trust, and who’s not… One of Them! Eep!

James Redford, son of Robert, makes his directorial debut with the soon to shoot Spin. Orphaned at an early age, seventeen year old Eddie Haley feels doubly abandoned when his uncle John goes off to work in Guam, leaving the youngster to be raised by ranch foreman Ernesto and his wife Margaret. Confused and floundering in school, Eddie is smitten with the beautiful Francesca, a poor Mexican girl from the wrong side of the tracks. When his uncle returns to teach him to fly, Eddie discovers yet another passion. But he still has some stumbles and some heartbreaks in store on the road to maturity. Based on the novel by Donald Everett Axinn, production begins in Tucson at the end of February. And no, Daddy has nothing to do with
the production.

Spy Kids 3 begins its twelve week shoot any day now with a new character called Rez. Leader of all the game boys, handsome and charismatic, Rez could be captain of any football team. Plot involves some kind of virtual reality game, as Rez is stern and by the book, giving Juni no aid with any cheat boosts or hack codes. Whatever that means.

The Farrelly Brothers will begin shooting their Greg Kinnear/Matt Damon Siamese twin comedy Stuck On You in Los Angeles on February 21st. Troma Films prez wishes it were a remake of his 1980s comedy, as he’s got this great idea for “The Toxic Avenger 5” featuring midget Nazis who live in trailer parks…

Yes, Virginia. There will be a Tremors 4. Set in 1882, this is the story of the first known attack of the giant worms, and of their defeat at the hands of the plucky residents of Rejection, Nevada, led by mine owner Hiram Gunner. Series star Michael Gross will play his character’s great grandfather, with shooting scheduled to begin February 11th for five weeks.

Matthew Lessall, the writer/director of “SLC Punk,” threatens to do to for horror films of the 70s what “Pulp Fiction” did for action films of the 70s, with his upcoming feature Trespass. Join him in New Orleans next month for shooting, which lasts for three weeks.

Jennifer Lopez has signed on the dotted line to star in Lasse Hallstrom’s upcoming feature An Unfinished Life. Jenny from the block will play single mother Jean Gilkyson, who falls into a relationship with small town sheriff Crane Curtis. Shooting on the Miramax features begins in April.